My Stages

1. Denial & Isolation

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

                So I have read that there are five stages of grief which is what I have listed above.  Greif is not just a process of losing a loved one; it is also a process of dealing with bad news. I am grieving. I am grieving because I have lost something…my health. I found out I had MS before my doctor actually told me. I read my MRI reports that had stated it. That is one of those things you never forget. I was leaving the radiology place with my mother. We were waiting for the elevator and she was looking at the brain scan and reading it out loud. All I remember hearing from her mouth was the sentence “lesions consistent with Multiple Sclerosis.” I immediately started crying. Two days later my neurologist confirmed it for me. It is a huge punch in the gut.

                A few people that have been reading my blog have pointed out to me that I should look up the stages of death and grieving, both very similar if not the same. So I looked it up, I think I skipped stage one denial because I kind of knew before I was told. Stage two anger; oh I am definitely stuck in this stage along with beginning of stage four which is depression. I walk around a very angry and bitter person lately, that’s not me. I am also feeling depressed, I don’t want to do anything or talk to anyone at all lately. I just want to be left alone. These feelings are not sitting well with me.  No I did not skip stage three, the bargaining stage. I bargain every day with God, the saints, everyone I can think of. Almost everyone, I hate the heat so I have yet to get to the devil, trust me it’s getting that bad though I just might. Hey there’s always air conditioning. Getting back to my anger and depression, I started this blog to give people a glimpse into one persons struggle with MS. Little did I know that this would be a great stress relief as well. I find the worse I feel the more I want to write. The pain in my hands and arms is excruciating right now but this is a mental relief for a brief moment until I wake up and start it all over again. Thank you for being interested and supportive which keeps me writing.