Acceptance it’s
hard for a lot of us to deal with. These days people are not very accepting of
many things. When I was growing up I never ignored another kid because of their
skin color. I never even knew what religion really meant. All I knew was that
people came here from different countries to make one great country, The United
States of America the key word id united. Sadly we are not united as a country
anymore which makes me sad. Sad that the world has gotten this cynical and sad
that my kids have to grow up in a world that is un accepting of so many things.
I keep my political, religious, sexual preference; race opinions to myself
because they are mine not everyone else’s. The sooner people learn to do this
maybe I can be more accepting of the world I am raising my children in.
That being said
acceptance is a hard pill to swallow. I have been struggling with it for quite some
time now regarding my own illness. I have uttered the phrase “I hate having
this disease” through tears more times in the last week then I ever have. The
last seven years I have been struggling to accept the fact that I am sick. I
look at others with MS and see how well they are doing and think to myself that
if I keep pushing myself I’ll be ok too. Nope so not the case. In fact it’s the
opposite the more I push the worse I get.
I am sick. I have
Multiple Sclerosis. I am losing my ability to do simple everyday things. This
is a pill the size of Cleveland people. I finally accepted this today, I’m not
happy about it but I accept it. I accept the fact that if I want to be able to
drive I need to have my car modified. I accept the fact that I need a stair
lift because I cannot walk up into my own house in less than ten minutes. I
accept the help I need from my family and learn to ask for it more often. I
also accept the fact that in a way I am alone in this fight.
No one can truly understand what I live on a
daily basis. All this acceptance sucks ass! I hate the letters MS. I hate that I
am just forced to accept my fate of rapidly degenerating. Depression does not
even begin to describe my emotional status. I am in fact emotionless. I speak
to no one. I hardly leave my house. I don’t care that I no longer have friends
and don’t care what people say about this either. I know there have been a lot of Debbie Downer
blogs latterly but this is my only way to release it. I do not wish this life
on my worst enemy.
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