MS...My Story

     Ok, I'm VERY new to this whole blogging thing so please bare with me. A friend recently told me I should do this. She is always commenting, laughing, supporting and agreeing with my Face book posts about my daily struggles along with a whole bunch of the most supportive group of family and friends ever. What is it that I write about that is sooooo special? Nothing really I see it more as complaining. You see I have MS, Multiple Sclerosis along with thousands of other people in this world. What makes me different? Absolutely nothing!
     So here is my story. I had my second child in July of 2009 and shortly after his birth i began to have widespread numbness on the right side of my body. By early October my legs were giving out on me and I started falling and even got hurt at work because of this. I started to see a neurologist and she immediately started with a battery of tests including 3 MRIs, an EEG, an Evoked Potential and plenty of blood work. The result...Multiple Sclerosis. Great! I now have a 2 1/2 year old and a 3 month old. Oh and I'm only 30 at this point.Since my diagnosis I have had little relief and am BEYOND frustrated with this shitty disease.
     On to the cliche phrases you hear from everyone..."MS doesn't have you, you have MS.", "God only gives you what you can handle.", "it'll get better just keep faith.", and my personal fave "But you look good!". Really??!! The symptoms of MS are "invisible" so I never look as bad as I feel. I mean, I know I looooook gooooood...LOL. Please if I can give advice to people who live outside the disease, DON"T TELL US HOW GOOD WE LOOK. Thank you. It is very frustrating to hear it ALL the time. We appreciate that you are trying to be nice and sympathetic, but at the same time it makes us feel like you don't believe us when we say how we are truly feeling. Now I say we and us but I am by no means speaking for everyone living with MS, just myself really. I am not looking for sympathy from people when I post comments on FB about my aches and pains and lack of feeling in my limbs, just an outlet to complain from time to time. I try to keep a positive outlook on things and I do poke fun at myself and the MS along with my sisters and friends. If I can laugh at myself, I'd be pretty pissed at everyone else who is making fun of me.
     I can go on and on, and I will from time to time. As of today I am home from work on disability again. My hands are tingly and numb and the widespread whole body pain that left for a month is slowly returning, believe me I didn't miss it. Oh lets not forget the excessive fatigue, mood swings, muscle tightness, blurred vision and occasional loss of right arm use. I loved being a 31year old having to hold my blinged out cane in one hand and baby in the other...what a sight. Luckily I don't need my cane right now, theirs my silver lining! I live and fight because I have the 2 most beautiful, loving, funny, and wild boys on earth. I can honestly say if I didn't have my guys I don't think I'd be fighting this hard, buuuuuuut it's stressful at times.
     I am told by my Dr.s and nurses to keep my stress level down cause that aggravates the MS. Just walking out the door these days causes stress...easier said than done people. I complain because it releases some of my stress so let me bitch and moan when I need to please.

     Ok I know this is all over the place but it's my very first time, I promise it will get more organized little by little. This is all for today cause my hands are numb now.