So nobody ever said life was easy…ain’t that the truth. I understand the hard work it takes to get through normal everyday life for all of us. I never put myself above anyone else or say I am better then you. I can say this though, I have to work just a little harder at life then some people do. I have been in deep thought the last few days and have been realizing a lot. I have also been very down lately which has led to my deep thinking. I am officially stating that all the dead weight in my life has got to go for good. People who think they are above the rest of us have no room in my thoughts anymore. I am thankful for my family and friends who love, support, and help me when I need them most. The rest of you can kindly kiss my semi-crippled ass! I am no longer there for you to use and walk all over. I refuse to let the fact that you pretend to still care in case you need something down the line bother me any longer. I am a good person with a good heart and good intentions. To those of you that have taken advantage your time will come, leave me alone now. I have bigger and better things to worry about then your feelings since you never took mine into consideration…ever. Say what you want behind my back cause sticks and stones people, sticks and stones. I like the high road, the view seems nicer from up there and that’s where I think I’m gonna chill for a while.
Ah I feel so much better now that I finally said what I’ve been holding in for so long. Anyway I am feeling compelled to cleanse emotionally and spiritually in hopes it will help me physically. As I have been saying lately I have been feeling crappy again. Today has possibly been my worst day since I was diagnosed. I am currently in bed writing because I am no longer able to stand or walk at this point. The pain running through my body is so bad that I actually took a pain killer, and for those of you who know me know its bad then cause I hate taking prescription painkillers if I really don’t have to. Things are slipping through my fingers…literally. My hands are numb and painful. My joints, bones and muscles hurt from top to bottom. I can’t stand straight or walk without holding something or someone and that’s only if the pain in my knees lets up enough for me to actually stand. I think the only part of me that is ok for now are my feet; it’s the rest of the support system that is failing.
Despite all these feelings that have peaked today, I went out and did my normal weekend errands as normal people do and proceeded to cook a kick ass dinner for my husband and kids. And no it does not hurt to kiss my own ass like that…ha-ha. Sorry if this seems so depressing and lacks my normal self abusive humor but I am being very serious. I go for my MRI’s Monday morning bright and early. I also need to see three other doctors and have a few more tests done to see what is going on inside my body beside MS. Apparently God has gotten bored and thought it was time to mess with someone so he’s back to me. Not that I am blaming God or anything, we’re buds so he likes pulling pranks on me and making me stronger by giving me more then I would like to handle. I will deal though, I have no choice I’m only 32 and I have two beautiful boys to raise.
I will always say I live for my kids and they are what keep me fighting every day. Screw you MS and any other shitty health problems that want to join the party!
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