My blogs have become far and few between the last year. I
feel like it is pointless to write the same things over and over. I was
diagnosed in October of 2009 and I have had little to no relief since then. The
last year I have also progressed quicker then I would like. In January I had
this whole new “attitude” towards life. That whole new year new you mumbo
jumbo. Well that deflated quicker than a whoopee cushion under an elephant. I try
to keep upbeat and positive as much as I can but it gets hard to do on a daily
basis.
My
family both immediate and extended have had their own problems and losses to
deal with lately so I rather keep how I feel inside and let them vent. I’m not
gonna lie, it’s hard. So I am venting now. I have been suffering badly for a
few months now and the last three weeks have been the worst ever. This fight
gets harder and harder by the day and I am already tired of fighting. I can no
longer walk unassisted, and I have now become a human pin ball bouncing off the
walls as I walk due to lack of balance. I fell out of bed and bruised my ribs,
back, arm and leg. Standing for more than a few seconds does not exist either
and I am on my way to needing a sippy cup with handles to hold on to my drinks.
In short I am beyond weak physically; mentally I am slowly getting there.
Depression sets in like an old friend so easily.
I will
leave it at this cause at this point I can write a novel on what is going on in
my body. As I always say I am not writing for sympathy I am writing to inform.
I may seem very strong and self confident on the outside but the looks and
stares make me beyond self conscious. For those of you that think I am a hypochondriac,
lazy, depressing, or a Debbie Downer I do not apologize. I am none of these
things I am sick so educate before forming your opinions. I do not fake or exaggerate
a damn thing about my MS. Trust me I work hard to underplay a lot. I am
secondary progressive if you would like to read up on it. Please stop with the unsolicited
advice and telling me how good I look. I look as shitty as I fell I am well
aware of that, I don’t sugar coat it so neither should you.
I leave
you all with these words, make of them what you will. There is only so far my
humor can take me when MS is concerned. I am tired people so if my complaining
or attitude bothers you then there is no reason for you to be reading this nor
are you needed in my life. Like I said my family has been through their own
trials and tribulations lately but through all of it they are still here for me
as I am always there for them.
