So I have noticed today that there are many mysteries in
this world of ours. Even the simplest things like a pen can become a mystery to
us. Some might even say they are surprises. Let me clue those of you who don’t
know in…I absolutely hate surprises. I’m not a fan of mysteries either, sorry
Scooby. I do not like the unknown. I need to have everything planned out in
advance. I even found out the sex of my children before they were born. I can’t
do it, sorry no way no how. So it is as I was noticing all this mystery in my
life that I have come to the reasoning behind the way I have been feeling
lately.
I say
it often…I hate MS. This is perhaps one of the biggest mysteries in my life
right now. This disease that has no known cause and no cure in sight. It is a
very uncertain way of life. Literally waking up every morning wondering whether
or not I can function somewhat normally. My life is an open book, the best
mystery you will ever read. It is so hard to make people understand how bad I
am actually feeling because nothing is visible…unless I am using my pimp cane.
Let me break it down for you. I wake up every day and stumble out of bed cause
my right leg is not awake yet. I walk with a limp cause the pain is in every
muscle, bone and joint from waist down. I get my kids dressed; myself ready for
work, make lunches and leave the house to work a full 8 hours like a normal
person. I sit at my computer running files, crunching numbers, and sometimes
talking with my coworkers. By 10 AM every muscle in my arms and hands are on
fire and cramping. I keep on doing my job without letting on how bad my pain
is. Three out of the five work days I suffer from an all day headache. I get up
from my desk occasionally to do things around the office and as I stand my
spine cracks from top to bottom and that darn right leg is asleep again. So
lazy. I come home to my two rambunctious loves, do home work, make dinner, and
clean the dishes, baths and bed. Then wait up till my husband comes home. By 6
I am no longer able to even stand for a minute.
This is
just a glimpse into my daily routine. I suffer in silence and nobody can tell
me why. So yes this is a huge mystery. When I say I am not feeling well trust
me don’t judge me. Just because I look fabulous does not mean I am not legitimately
sick. My spine is full of lesions, if it would help people get a better idea I will
carry around my MRI films for you. My MS started in my spine and is slowly
moving to the brain. Usually it is the other way around. If you wonder why I walk
funny, or can’t pick up a piece of paper or a pen this is why. All my limbs are
affected. I have horrible coordination and very weak hands. I hope I have
helped some people somewhat understand the mystery of MS as well as the wondrous
mystery that is Susan.
